just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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