We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
