peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
