hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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