i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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