just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
