well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
