Are we in a gay sports bar?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
