Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
