I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Damn victory sex feels great
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