3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
