Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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