i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She announced her abortion via fbk
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
