Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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