I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
