You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
