Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
