I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
