dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
