I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize