Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can you bring me the toilet please
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
