I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
