is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
