Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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