Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
