i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
