I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
