do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Randomize
