does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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