We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
