We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
