omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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