His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
