who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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