im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
