I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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