I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize