I can text with my tongue
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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