its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
