I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
