my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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