why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
