u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
