We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
