you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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