Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
