So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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