i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
