How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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