everyone is single if you try hard enough
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
