yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
