last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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