John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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