She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
