i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
