i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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