So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my sisters under your porch take her home
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
