what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
