So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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