Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
