You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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