she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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