you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
