Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
