I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh god it's open bar.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
