apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
