Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
