I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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