..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
