if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
