If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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