That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
