I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
