Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
