North Korea, Best Korea!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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