Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
home. puking in laundry basket.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
