hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
