So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
