Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize