the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
