I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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