Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
