she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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