I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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