let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
