So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
