Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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