Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
