I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
