Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize